SM vs. Abuse

In this blog, I will from time to time address issues surrounding the lifestyle, since some new Dom/mes don't recognize the existence or validity of some of the 'leather family values' that some of the more experienced of Us may take for granted, or topics that address some traits adduced to Us by vanilla people.

Today's topic is the difference between sadomasochism (SM) and abuse. A slave friend suggested this topic to Me and I think it is a good one. a vanilla person may assume all SM is abuse, and a bad Dom/me may assume all abuse is SM, or not know the difference. So what is the difference?

The difference between SM and abuse is very simple. *drumroll* The subject's interpretation. If the subject says it is valid SM in clear mind and of free will, it is SM. If the subject says it is abuse, it is abuse. Period. Dot. End. Some action one slave says is SM, another may name it abuse.

How can this be? Aren't Dom/mes in charge? Is it not true that a slave has no limits? Any Dom/me unable to see the logic behind the curtain can learn something here. Yes, the slave often submits that power to the Dom/me, but any Dom/me that makes a slave feel abused will not have a very happy slave. An unhappy slave is less responsive, less trusting, more fearful, and a host of other negative things that will bring down the relationship.

A slave that is allowed to explore, and that knows their gift of submission won't be taken undue advantage of, will be a happy slave, eager to serve, to behave, and will be more full of joy and smiles.

Simply put- any healthy SM relationship is a paradox in some ways. The slave has no power, but it is a two-way street. The slave must serve, but shouldn't be asked to do things they will resent You for. If You need a soundbite, I have a quote- 'With great power comes great responsibility (yeah, yeah, but it is true).'

That is what is lost on some- the responsibility. If someone gives You power over themselves, in some cases even over life-essential things like what and when they eat, it places the reponsibility for their care and well-being in Your hands. If You just take the power and otherwise leave them to their own devices, they will struggle and You will project a well-deserved image as a Dom/me who neglects/abuses slaves.

Intro

I am known as MasterJL. I thought every blog needs an introduction, so here I am. I am called a Gorean Master by some, a phsychopath by others (if they dare). All kidding aside, I am the owner of two slaves, slaves who live the title so deeply that I imagine it would be hard for them to think of themselves any other way.

I am also 'old-school'. I have little patience for Dom/mes who just want the opportunity to use the title to sanction physical beatings. I operate primarily with mental arts. One slave, to whom I have been married almost 10 years can be instructed merely by a look. I believe that if You must beat or whip a slave to get them to behave, you're doing it wrong. While those practices can be very effective, and I do use them, it is so much sweeter when a slave is held in place not by ropes, chain, leather, or fear of beatings, but just because it is Your will for her to do so.

Slaves trained this way act properly for totally different reasons than those trained exclusively with the threat of the whip. My girls fear Master's disapproval as much as a lash (one of them loves the lash anyway). This slave in particular keeps her own blog, one I will link to soon.

Now that the formalities, shall we get on with the (irregularly updated) show?